Saying real,
though i didn't really expressed my REAL feelings on my nowadays previous posts,
i think i really felt pain inside ?
What's wrong with me?
i don't felt unhappy, sad, depressed or whatever ?
but i just felt pain deep inside my heart.
dono why, just don't felt like it is a whole , full heart.
haix.
emotional ?
heartbroken ?
moody ?
unhappy ?
depressed ?
sad ?
happy ?
happiness ?
sulky ?
idk which expressiion i'm feeling currently,
really....
maybe my face express very happy happy feelings , but inside my heart,
i really don't know how it is feeling.
thats why, i said feelings are hard to express ..
There's this little , weak girl in the mirrior. I wondered who she is? Sometimes i think i know her a lot and sometimes i wish i did ? There is a deep story in her eyes, lullabies, and goodbyes.. When she's looking back at me, I can tell.. that she's hurting inside. So tell me, am i really myself?
Never underestimate the PAIN of a person because the truth is that everybody are struggling. It's just that some people hide it better than the others, so don't underestimate the pain inside me too. Becuase i also dk exactly how i'm currently feeling. The pain , the happines or the cut?
Sometimes the pain inside me is just tooooo strong to bare.. & life gets so hard that you just will not care about ANYTHING. You feel so alone that you'll just sit and cry... & every second, you wish you could just die. Then you'll start thinking who would care if one day they woke up and you weren't there.
Most of them just never know, so many emotions i've chose not to show..
I see the blood all over my hands, does it make myself feel more like a man? Was it all just a part of your plan? The pistol is shaking in my hands.. and all i hear is the sound..... ......
I really don't know what i'm doing anymore. I don't know what i wanna see, what i really wants. My world used to be worth living for, and now it's hard enough just to be me.
I think i'm jjust lying to myself, for forcing myself not to care, forcing myself to do things that i'm not willing to. But if i did not do that, i would be even hurt and maybe i would die of tears.
There is only one rain cloud in the sky, and it's raining on me. Somehow i'm now surprised, because i'm always the one.
I woke up and think dreams are real. I sleep so I don't have to feel.
I don't know if you've ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousands and thousands of years, or just not exist in this world, or just not be aware that you do exist, or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but i want it when i get like this. That's why i'm trying no to think, i just want it all to stop spinning.
Behind my smile is everything you'll never understand, but sometimes i wondered, did you ever tried to understand?
No matter what, no matter who, no matter what I've done, somebody hates me because in most people's eyes, i'm a bitch to them. Just because i wanted to try out my own real feelings.
Life doesn't hurt until you hink about how much things you've done, who you've lost along the way, and how much of it was your fault.
Somtimes i wish i could just be a litte kid again, so when life gets touch you can just play pretend. I wanna go back to when Santa did exist. When your daddy was the only boy you've ever kissed. When Disney World was the best place to be. When the only movies you could see were rated G. When your biggest problem was learning to write your name and people didn't change.. and your friends were the same, and it would never change. And everytinme you were sad or you've a bad day. You could just run to mommy and it would all be okay. I wanna go back to no hurt...and no pain...just laughter. When everyone always lives happily ever after.
I wanna get lost from my life sometimes, sit on the side and watch the world go by, I wanna get lost and I don't know why.
if i could ever stop my life for a few hours, i think lots of things would be changed.
You know sometimes, like when someone dies, and you're sad, and it's okay to be sad? But then there are times when you're supposed to be happy but you're sad anyway...and those times are even worse than the times when you're supposed to be sad.
I just don't feel like I know myself very well right now, so how can I be sure about anything? Most of the time I feel so awkward, you know, like I don't belong in my own skin, I get frustrated at everything, I could just scream and there's no reason for it. I just felt losted.
No one will ever know, the pain I feel inside....
It's so hard to believe, that you were never meant to be mine, NEVER ,
But at least, when i click edit posts, most of my labels for my previous posts are SMILING instead of other expression <3
